the days pass,
I tally the months and
the years begin to pile,
but these memories remain as clear as
what I did yesterday and
they also make me
push for my tomorrows
cause I still feel the
urgency of
living life to its fullest degree,
because sometimes we take for granted
the smallest things that
end up meaning the most.

I said it once
and I’ll say it again-

the years of solitude,
the stereotypes and sneers,
Texas’ resolution on being
The Killing Machine,
the loss of friends,
the screams from families who are the new victims,
the children,
the children,
the children,
the contradictions,
the petitions,
all our failures
that made new discoveries,
the love for a brother.

I am covered in a
psychological hurricane
that beats down my brain
and sometimes all I can do is pray
to still the storm, and I have tattoos
that tell stories
my lips can’t!

I feel like an enigma,
because just when I think I’m stable
the slightest thing will
draw my throat tight
and make the tears well in the corner of my eyes.
I can only cast my eyes down and
casually wipe my eyes
stiffen my back
and make it all disappear,
because who could understand what I was feeling!?!
what I have seen!?!

I’m alien in the land of unknown.
and I counted 2 years
and it feels like mere seconds,
but I hold on.
I hold on to
the way I can kiss my grandpa’s cheek
or the way I can lift my daughter
and I realize through all the darkness
there is a light-
even if only candle size-
that can have shattering effects.

so, I flicker on
wavering in the wind gust of
this Texas storm.

is a mantra
bound by rage and love.
4 tattooed with it.
the memory will never succumb.
I remain
with the pain and love
as determined now
as I was then.
unable to stop
this pursuit
of Struggle
we have claimed
as our own!